Healing & change are messy

If we really want to destigmatize mental health, we need to destigmatize what it takes to heal and make change. We have made positive strides in destigmatizing the idea of mental health, but we need to go one step further.

We need to talk more about the messiness and discomfort involved in healing.

We need to talk about the idea of relapse (not just in the context of addiction) and that it is a normal part of change.

We have pathways in our brain that tell us what behavior to choose in a given situation. Anytime we try to create a new behavior (or get rid of an old one), it takes many repetitions to create the new pathway or shed the old one. It is a given that we will use old, strong pathways (in other words, relapse) while we are changing because they are familiar and easy.

We need to talk about the grief and loss involved in healing, even if it’s something or someone that no longer serves us. No matter what decision we make, there is almost always loss involved, or the act of giving up something. And even if we are giving up something to benefit our wellness, we have to honor and grieve it because loss is loss.

We need to talk about the fact that it is ok to leave a work place, a school, and a relationship for mental health reasons, and not having to explain it or justify it more than if it were for physical reasons. If we were to not go to work because of a broken leg, no one asks “how bad is it”, or “are you sure it’s bad enough to not come to work”. They tell you to “get better soon” and probably send you some flowers or cookies. This is the way that mental health needs to be treated if we are to truly destigmatize it.